What does social anxiety feel like?
My heart rate soars as I climb the stairs, weighed down by the bags that threaten to strangulate the circulation in my right shoulder. It is more than a lack of stamina at play here. My head says I am excited to be here but my body knows better. My heart is chattering with my teeth. Alarms are blaring the body-wide warning: she's going to try to socialize with people she doesn't know!
My stomach crawls up my throat in hopes of exiting this sinking ship. I stuff it back down and make a bold move: "hi, I'm Melissa." And although you smile, I know what you're thinking: "who is this strange and unhinged imposter?"
I am a perfectly delightful, if not perfectly sane person, who is as worthy of knowing as the next person. Believing this is simple until my socially anxious brain circuits take over the broadcast. This channel features psychic mind-reading and other powers of stunning prognostication.
The comfortably bitter taste under my tongue, the remnants of my melting anxiolytic, gives me brief comfort. Soon my brain will take its cue from my artificially slowed heart and it too will chill out. That's the plan anyway.
My heart slows but not my fears, which have wrapped themselves in layers of cellophane, of paralysis around me. You may see right through them and think I am sitting here with a normal amount of stranger danger. But in every word and every move I am held back as if pushing against the fierce wind of ungodly tempests. This is no mere danger, this is the tormenting horror of night terrors all day long.
It is this, that you might not like me.
Melissa's tools for dealing with social anxiety
My recent flare up of social anxiety was discouraging but I learned a thing or two. I learned to be grateful for the progress I've made. I learned that I still need to be reminded of the basics:
acceptance: it's okay to be uncomfortable and vulnerable
self-soothe: I'm not going to connect to anyone when I'm flooded
question old narratives: I'm not actually a mind reader and can be open to other possibilities
gratitude: I've come a long way and made a lot of connection since I was a scared little first-grader
compassion: it is as hard as it is even if I don't notice my own extenuating circumstances
check in with your therapist: can't recommend this enough
Wise words for the socially anxious
Eleanor Roosevelt once reminded us, "What other people think of me is none of my business." Or perhaps you prefer how another wise woman, RuPaul, said it, "if they ain't paying your bills, pay them b**s no mind."
What does your anxiety feel like? What's in your toolbox?
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